Curiouser and Curiouser

I realized today, not that I am by any means seasoned as a foreigner here, that no matter how long an outsider spends in this country, they will never feel remotely as comfortable as people born and raised here. Even when I start to feel “in”, something springs up out of left field to grab hold of me and pull me smack down into reality, which is this: I am an outsider here.
I came to school today (Chinen Elementary, my home school) to find my shoe box had been given away (we are assigned a box to put our outside shoes in and keep out inside slippers in when we are not here). No biggie, you might think, but when you already feel like an outsider who can’t possibly know about or understand everything going on around you (even when you try really hard) and enormous changes are happening (at this time of year), something simple like a shoe box that until this very day was “yours” being given away when you weren’t there can make you feel awful. Not that they ever even put my name on it here. But my shoes were inside… At Hyakuna Elem, I got my name on my box within the first week of arriving in Japan. Little things like ease a stranger like me into this new environment. On Kudaka, they gave me a box with my name even though they had built a new school that I only went to twice before changing to another school. Maybe they know something the folks here at Chinen Sho don’t. It’s not that I expect a whole lot. However, Kudaka teachers did blow me off the last few times I went, including “forgetting” to call me about the farewell party after they both told me and I asked to be called about the location of the party. Anyhow, besides my shoe bin leaving my possession, I walked in to find a new vice principal and a second grade teacher had left. Nobody mentioned it to me before now. I would have liked to know I’d likely never see these people again, but I guess that’s too much to ask.
I understand that even though English is held at a high regard, the reality of it is that it just isn’t. And I’m ok with that. I realize I am an afterthought. But throw me a bone, even a small bone, every once in a while. I am constantly thrown into situations and given the sink or swim ultimatum through performance. I am pretty easy going (on the outside) and try to roll with the punches, but it’s tiring being everyone’s punching bag. However, today I did have a breakthrough with a teacher who I thought really didn’t like me. Japanese people are funny like that. She asked me if I was pregnant early on, and proceeded to laugh at me when I said no (quite possibly trying to laugh with me but I didn’t get the joke) and almost every time she saw me afterward. She seemed catty with her remarks to me and others, so I decided to keep my distance from her. Until today; we had our welcome luncheon for our new teachers (all 12 of them, in a school of 30 staff members). On our way to the cars, she asked if she could ride with me. I said sure (surprised she’d ask me, especially when there was room in Takayo’s car), and we talked (as much as we could) on the way there and back. I think I know why she asked if I was pregnant. I asked her if she had a husband to which she replied she did. Then I asked if she had any children. She said that she wanted children but couldn’t have any… Then I asked how old she was. She is 40 (and of course looks my age). She probably just wanted to know if I had any children since she so badly wanted some of her own.
Today was also good in terms of my schedule for this next term, which I have been stressing over ever since I found out my time at Chinen had been cut… I didn’t understand (and wasn’t interested in) how I was to teach 11 classes in 2 days (12 periods). So finally, after talking to Takayo sensei, I found out that there are in fact 12 classes, but that I will teach 5 a day each week on Thursdays and Fridays. I am glad I am not scheduled for 6 classes, and hope that people don’t cancel class or want to have make up classes, because then I will be at 6 classes, which is really unbearable. Sure, days go by fast, but I don’t particularly come out of 6-class days enjoying or liking my job. I am very happy about having 2 whole days at Hyakuna though, I have 12 periods there each week and only have to teach for 6 of them, unless of course making up a class. And, I will teach 3 classes at Chinen JHS. So that makes my total classes for the week 19. The limit is 20. They have changed when I come in and leave as well to 15 minutes later. Personally, I’d rather have the time to prepare in the morning than after my classes end. But I will try it and see how it goes before requesting it be changed.
So, that’s it for new school year stuff. Oh, yeah, 5th an 6th graders now have a textbook, but I don’t think they wrote lessons around it, kind of stupid. And 3rd grade is doing 4 lessons on numbers, adding, and time. Time I understand, but doing math in English, that’s just ridiculous. I suggested we do prepositions like in, on, over, under, etc instead, but Takayo sensei thinks they are too hard… I think these are vital words for children to understand if they are going to have any sort of listening comprehension worth raving about. But that’s just me, what do I know? I’m just…. The outsider. The outsider who was told she was an integral part of English being taught in these schools, the outsider who is a native English speaker and can offer (maybe I’m biased) valuable opinions on what we should teach or how we should teach English, the outsider who also expected (after it was pounded into her head) to talk about holidays we celebrate in the United States but was told, “They don’t know about Easter.” Isn’t that why I’m here? To TEACH??? Sometimes I think I’m just here for their amusement. If so, at least the salary is good.